Posted in Sexuality

10 Things Bisexual People are Sick of Hearing

Be a good person and never say these things again.

The bisexual pride flag (3673713584)

“I don’t date bisexual people. They cheat.”

My dear, people cheat regardless of sexuality. Trust me on this one. I’m speaking from experience here. I was marred to a straight guy for six years. Guess who cheated? It sure wasn’t me, the bisexual chick. Look, no matter what type of relationship you get into, (straight, gay, bi, monogamous, non-monogamous, whatever) there’s a risk your partner(s) may cheat on you. Saying you don’t date bisexual people because “they cheat” is just a cop out for being biphobic.

“Bisexual men don’t exist.”

…And the lie detector test proves, that is a lie. Bisexual men are out there. Unlike the mythical unicorn, they do exist. Unfortunately, due to the stigma surrounding being bisexual, no one is exactly sure how many bi men are out there. They are out there though and they’re judging you just as hard as I am for saying this crap.

“So you’re bi? That means you’re down for a threesome with me and my girl, right?”

No, that is most definitely not what that means. This one is a favorite of the cishet (cisgender heterosexual) man. For some odd reason, they think every bisexual woman is into threesomes. That is not the case. Yes, some of us do enjoy the occasional threesome. Some of us do not. When we tell you that we’re bi, that does not in any way mean “I am now and will always be down for a threesome.” It just means we’re bi. That’s it. Sorry to bore you.

“Bisexual people are just greedy.”

This one I just do not understand. What exactly are we “greedy” for? The attention of men who fetishize bisexual women while simultaneously dehumanizing bisexual men? The attention of lesbians and gay men who think we’re gross because we may have handled more that one set of genitals? The attention of people who won’t date us and sometimes refuse to socialize with us because of tired ass stereotypes like the ones I’m listing? Yeah. I can totally see how desirable that is.

“Pick a side! Either you’re gay or straight!”

No. I am neither straight nor gay. I am bisexual. I have picked a side and it’s #TeamBisexual. I’m not gonna limit myself to one gender just to make you happy. No matter what, my attraction to other genders will be there. You can’t make me or wish me straight or gay. I’m bi and I’m damn proud of it.

“That’s just a phase. You’ll settle down soon.”

Maybe I will settle down soon, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop being bisexual. Also, why the assumption that bisexual people haven’t settled down? Bisexual doesn’t automatically mean promiscuous. Anyone of any sexuality can be promiscuous or not “settled down”. My sexuality isn’t a “phase” that I’ll “grow out of.” It’s part of who I am. It’s what makes me, me. If you can’t accept that, you can’t accept me.

“I forgot you were bi! I thought you got over that.”

This one makes my head hurt and is part of the reason why the “coming out” process means little to nothing to bisexual people. Whenever we enter into a relationship with someone of the same or a different gender, we get labeled as either straight or gay and people conveniently “forget” that we’re bi. Then we have to do the whole “coming out” thing all over again to a “surprised” friend or family member. This actually ties nicely into…

pzv5j7l“You’re in a ‘straight’ relationship now, so you’re no longer bisexual/in the TBLG community.”

Yeah… No… That’s not how this works. Attraction to other people, other genders, doesn’t go away just because you enter a relationship. I, a woman, may be dating or even married to a guy but that doesn’t magically make me straight or make my relationship a straight one. The same goes for bisexual guys dating or married to women. Since we’re all still bi, guess what?! We’re still part of the TBLG community! You don’t get to throw me out of the community simply because my relationship doesn’t look “queer enough” for you. Magical how that works, ain’t it?

For women: “You’ve touched a dick?! That’s disgusting!”

Hello transmisogyny! I see you’ve decided to come out and play! Here’s the thing, some women have dicks. Shocking, I know. It’s entirely possible to have been in relationships with only women and still have handled, sucked, and fucked a dick. It’s also possible for women who have handled, sucked, and fucked cis men’s dicks to be attracted and want to enter relationships with women. There’s nothing disgusting about handling more than one set of genitals.

For men: “You’ve touched a vagina?! That’s disgusting!”

Oh transphobia, I see you’ve decided to bring you friend misogyny along for the ride. I can pretty much repeat the paragraph above, so I think I will! Some men have vaginas. It’s entirely possible to have been in relationships with only men and still have handled, sucked, and fucked a vagina. It’s also possible for men who have handled, sucked, and fucked cis women’s vaginas to be attracted and want to enter relationships with men. There’s absolutely nothing disgusting about handling more than one set of genitals. There. Did it sink in yet?

This list was actually very hard to write. Not because it was hard to find ten things, but because it was too easy. I had to narrow it down to ten and even now I’m not sure I picked the best examples. That’s how pervasive biphobia is. If you’ve ever said any of these things before, please rethink your actions. If you’ve never said these things before, take this as a reminder to never say them. The bisexual person in your life will thank you.

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I'm a simple single mom living a complicated life.

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