Dear White Allies,
Hello. How are you doing? We need to have a small talk about your behavior and what is and isn’t helping. We’ve had this conversation before on twitter, tumblr, and maybe even Facebook, but I’m hoping this time the message will stick.
If you see something racist, hear about something racist, read a racist post or article, or have racist friends/co-workers/family members, please do not go to a person of color’s inbox and tell them about it. In the case of friends, family, and co-workers, definitely do not ask them how to deal with them or brag about how you called them out. We deal with enough racism in our daily lives outside of social media that we really don’t need you dumping more stuff on us there.
We are not your attack dogs, we are not your mules, we are not your workhorses, and we are not your research tools. We are not your therapists, your psychiatrists, or your family counselors. Unless we specifically ask for the information or we offer to help you directly, chances are we do not want to hear about it. Even if we do offer to help or want to listen it’s likely that we have made a specific space for that. Outside of that space, we want to relax and just have fun. This is even true, perhaps more so, for activists. They deal with heavy stuff day in and day out. Let them have a space to decompress. Do not go to them when they are obviously relaxing and shame them for doing so or dump random instances of racism or PoC death in their mentions.
So, don’t do that.
Seriously, it’s not helping at all. You don’t want to know how many messages I had just like that in my inbox at one point in time. I answered one or two of them whenever I felt up to it, but for the most part they just sat there because I didn’t feel like dealing with it. It was just too much to handle.
So stop it.
A Very Tired Black Woman