Posted in 365 Days of Blogging, Personal

Day 44: A Letter to my 17-year-old Self

Dear 17-year-old me,

Hi! It’s you ten years from now. Yeah, I know, you actually do make it this far. Shocking, right? Well, it’s true and boy do you have one hell of a ride ahead of you. Let’s start with the things that are happening to you right now.

First of all, that job at the shoe store won’t last forever. Enjoy the discounts while you can. You won’t get fired, you’ll quit. It’ll be for a lot of reasons, but most of all because of sexual harassment from a drunk customer on New Year’s Eve and verbal harassment from a different, sober, customer. That sucks, I know. Buy pepper spray. It’ll make you feel a bit safer.

Next thing on the list is that college you picked. It’s… well, it was an experience. People there will doubt the hell out of your intelligence, but don’t let that phase you. You’re smart as hell. In some cases, you know more than a majority of your classmates and a couple of the professors. That’s why classes are so damn boring; you already know it. Oh, btw, that kid you end up tutoring in chemistry? MAKE HER PAY. She wants use of your knowledge? She gotta pay up.

Now let’s move on to that boyfriend of yours, he becomes a big part of your life. Believe it or not, you end up marrying the dude. That’s getting ahead of things though, so let’s back up a bit. First of all, everything they said about him was true. I know you like giving people the benefit of the doubt, but you shouldn’t have in this case. You already did so that ship has sailed.

Second, it’ll be a whirlwind of a fucking relationship. Ups, downs, twists, turns, all of that shit and more. Some good things do come from it though. For one, you learn a lot of things about yourself. For example, you finally figure out you’re bisexual. That’s right, bisexual. You’re not gay because you like girls and you’re not straight because you’re dating a guy. You’re bisexual. Embrace it, love it, love yourself.

While your relationship with your boyfriend (husband in a few years) is definitely rocky and will come to an end (we’ll get to that later), it’s not all bad. Guess what you get out of the deal. Two awesome kids. They’re five and five months old right now and they’re both beautiful. Your five-year-old is smart as hell and loves everything to do with cars. The five month old is growing like a weed and loves to chew on any and everything in sight. You went through hell and back to have those two, but it was worth every minute.

Now let’s get to your mental health. Turns out you’re not lazy, you’re not crazy, and you’re definitely not just moody. There’s an explanation for everything you feel. You’re depressed, bipolar, and a couple other things too. They’re all valid illnesses and they’re sapping the life out of you. Stop fighting against it and give yourself time to rest and recharge. You’re trying to do too much and it’s gonna bite you in the butt one day.

Also, about your body, you’ll always gonna be fat. That doesn’t stop you from being cute as hell though. Going on those diets only hurts your body and makes your weight yo-yo back and forth and that’s not good for you. It’s best to just accept your fatness and your body. Harder said than done, I know, but you’ve gotta try. Hell, I’m 27-year-old you and I still look 17. You know how people think you’re in middle school now? Well in ten years they’ll be carding you for lottery tickets and cigarettes. Oh, NC has a lottery now. Weird, right?

In short 17-year-old me, you are beautiful. You’re wonderful, amazing, smart, and resourceful. You always make a way when it seems like there isn’t one and you’re kind to those that deserve it. You’re also extremely fragile and loving and you deserve someone who is willing to handle you with care. Never settle, never give up, and never, ever, sell yourself short.

Sincerely,
27-year-old you

P.S.– Since you insist on dating them, remember that men are annoying. Prepare for that.

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I'm a simple single mom living a complicated life.

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