Well, I’ll be 28 in 18 days, but still. I’m young. I tend to forget that at times. When I was 18, 27 seemed really old. Part of me didn’t think I’d make it this far and another part of me had every single thing planned out perfectly.
I was supposed to go to college, graduate at 22, get a high paying career, maybe go for an advanced degree, get married, and have a kid. In my head, I should’ve had all that done by the age of 30. Yeah, I know.
Life rarely turns out how you plan it though. While I did go to college, I didn’t graduate. I did get married and had two kids, but I’m separated and working on a divorce. I definitely didn’t get that high paying career either. I’m stuck working out how to get through each day with what little money I can scrape out from all my side hustles (and there are a lot).
All that said, I’m still young. I’ve been through more than my fair share of stuff in my life, so at times I feel really old. But I’m not. I still have a lot of living left to do. That’s both a reassuring and scary thought. It’s reassuring because it means that there’s still some good to come. (At least I hope there is.) It’s scary because what if there isn’t? What if this is just my life? A series of unfortunate events as it were?
That’s a rather pessimistic way of looking at things, but that’s how I am. I can never let myself be too happy at one time because I know that tragedy and/or disappointment are soon to follow. If I’m constantly expecting the worst, it softens the blow when it finally happens.
That’s a really unhealthy way of dealing with the world and I’ve gotta make a change. So I will. My Birthday Month Resolution for this year is to find the good in things and let myself be happy. It’ll be easier said than done, for sure, but it’s something I think I can do.