Posted in 365 Days of Blogging

Day 89: To Be A Fat Girl — Part Two

Fat women, especially fat Black women, are loved and hated at the same damn time and it’s fucking infuriating. Y’all love us when we have the right proportions and hate us when we’re oddly shaped. Y’all love us in DMs, in private moments, when your boys ain’t looking, but hate us in public where everyone can see.

We have our own porn category that you routinely jack off to, but refuse to admit that you even like a fat woman. You claim to love our bodies when we get together, but slowly try to change us or say we “let ourselves go” after the relationship starts. To be a Black fat girl in this world means not knowing if you’re gonna be loved or hated by this person in this moment. To be a Black fat girl means being constantly on guard.

“Will they hate me because of my race?”

“Will they hate me because of my gender?”

“Will they hate me because of my weight?”

“Will they hate me because of a combination of all three?”

You claim to love me? You claim to care? Show me. Show me by supporting what I do. Show me by making sure I have adequate housing. Show me by making sure I have access to healthcare. Show me by making sure I have access to food, clothing, and education. Show me in cash.

Words are empty. Us fat girls have heard all the pretty words before.

“I love you.”

“I care.”

“I support you.”

And yet when it’s time to show up for us, no one is there, or you are there but with stipulations.

“I love you, but if you lost weight…”

“I care, that’s why you should lose weight.”

“I support you, but if you were a few pounds lighter…”

That’s not loving, caring, or supporting. That’s controlling. That’s trying to dictate what a person should be or should do before offering love, support, or help. That, my dear friends, is bullshit and it needs to stop now.

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I'm a simple single mom living a complicated life.

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