Posted in 365 Days of Blogging, Sexuality

Day 106: So, let me tell you guys a story…

On last night’s post about JK Rowling and queer baiting, someone wrote a comment about how she shouldn’t have mentioned Dumbledore’s “sexual taste” in the books. They went on to say that Albus and Scorpius were “so hooking up in the slytherin dorms”. This greatly annoyed me. They essentially made the assumption that being gay was all about sex. That’s not exactly true.

We, as a society, have this idea in our heads that being gay, bisexual, or pansexual is all about sex while being straight involves love. That is, at the very least, annoying. It can be considered extremely offensive. There’s nothing wrong with queer people having sex, but I’m so tired of people thinking that’s all we do.

We can fall in love too. We have families and friends that we love. We have children that we love. There’s a lot of love in us that doesn’t get recognized because straight people are focused on sexualizing us for their gaze.

Straight women are obsessed with their two favorite male characters having sex. Straight men think lesbians have sex to please them. Straight couples want to use bisexual women to “spice up” their sex lives with threesomes. Damn near everybody thinks pansexual people screw any and everything with a pulse.

It’s infuriating. Yes we do have sex, but we don’t do it for you. W’re also capable of loving. We really do need to divorce ourselves from the idea that being gay or bi is about sex only.

Our love, queer love, is something that needs to be seen by queer kids so that they know what they feel is okay. Queer kids need to see that they too can find love and grow old with the ones they love. We shove the idea of true *heterosexual* love down kid’s throats in almost every story. Why can’t queer kids have stories about true love?

The Harry Potter series in particular was about love and the power of it. How powerful would it have been to have the main person talking about love come out in the books as gay? It could’ve just been a line talking about how he loved Grindelwald and how that loved stopped him from intervening at an earlier point in time. 

It could’ve been a line about how Grindelwald didn’t want to fight Dumbledore because he loved him and on some level didn’t want to hurt him. The possibilities were truly endless, and yet what did we get? A retroactive statement from the author that Dumbledore was gay. Woo hoo.

“But the publishers never would have published it,” you scream at your computer screens.

“Bullshit”, I say. Throwaway lines like that would go right over straight people’s heads. They would simply assume (as they did and still do) that Dumbledore and Grindelwald were simply “good friends”. In the comment on my post that I responded to, the person commenting (who may or may not be straight, I don’t know if they are) did just that with Elphias and Dumbledore.

In my humble opinion, it was exceedingly obvious to me that Elphias was in love with Dumbledore. Whether that love was returned or not, I do not know. What I do know is Elphias loved him fiercely and it could have been a very powerful moment to show that in the book. But it wasn’t.

My point in saying all of this is that queer love is beautiful in all of its forms and it’s not shown enough. If we are truly invested in ending discrimination against queer people and supporting queer kids, we need to put these stories of queer love in young adult and children’s literature.



I'm a simple single mom living a complicated life.

One thought on “Day 106: So, let me tell you guys a story…

  1. This infuriates me. You are so right. I’m not really sure what to call myself yet, but I’m definitely attracted to both males and females (and although I’ve never experienced it, I think I could be attracted to anything in between, it doesn’t feel weird at all in my head). The other day my friend (who’s not really that close and doesn’t know about this) was saying how hot he finds it when he sees two girls kissing. I couldn’t control myself and I said “other people’s love isn’t there to be your fetish”. I know he didn’t mean to offend me, but it pisses me off. Men enjoy seeing girls kissing because they thing they’re doing it for them, as if they’re next move is to invite them in – when in reality it doesn’t have anything to do with them.

    About the fact that Dumbledore is gay not being mentioned in the books, I don’t thing she should have. But she should have explored Dumbledore’s feelings for Grindelwald (i like to thing that he liked him and not the other way around). The idea is to normalise queer love and relationships. Just pointing out that he is gay would have served no purpose to the actual story. Exploring their relationship and feelings would have been better, because we would get to see their relationship without making a big deal about their sexuality, because sexual orientation shouldn’t be a big deal. It’s just love, so it should be treated like any other love story. It would have been beneficial to the LGBT+ community to have more representation in big hits like Harry Potter, but we can’t just guess that JK didn’t explore a gay relationship because it was gay.


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