My oldest baby starts kindergarten Monday and I’m freaking out about it. Objectively, I know he’s gonna be fine and most likely have the time of his life. The not-so-rational bit of my brain is having fun fucking with me though.
I find myself doing a rundown of every bad thing possible that could happen and analyzing how I’d react. It’s definitely not the best usage of my time but I find it hard to stop. After the anxiety wears off, I start thinking about how I felt. I’ve come to the realization that it’s actually not that bad.
Yes, I’m probably more nervous than the average mommy, but it’s not as bad as it could be. Thanks to my medication, my anxiety has toned down quite a bit. Without my meds I’d be a sobbing mess right now. I can feel that reaction on the fringes of my mind, but I no longer feel the need to succumb to it. It feels really good to have some level of control over my emotions for the first time. It’s freeing in a way.
So yeah, my first baby is off to school and I get to deal with it like a normal, nervous, proud mommy would. I never thought I’d be able to experience that. I’m glad I can.