Posted in 365 Days of Blogging

Day 127: On Tone Policing and Niceness

I’m getting real sick of this “if you just spoon feed me information in the nicest way possible and then I’ll understand” mentality that persists among the white people of social media. Guess what? I’ve tried that mess before multiple times and it doesn’t work! I’ve given multiple paragraph answers to people. Laid things out in the simplest, most bare-bones way possible for them. You want to know what I got in return? A bunch of hate, vitriol, and a parade of people who lacked the most basic of reading comprehension skills. I have dedicated an entire page of my tumblr blog to nothing but useful and relevant information on a wide verity of topics and the very people it’s directed to (the “please educate me” crowd), refuse to read it.

I am sick and tired of being expected to hold your hand like I’m your nanny. I’m not your mother and I’m not your teacher. The information is there if you seriously do want to learn something. If you’re reading this then I know you have access to an internet connection. Take your behind to the library and read a few books. If you do find someone who is willing to sit down and explain things to you, don’t take their time and patience for granted. The burden is upon you to learn, not us to teach you.

What you people are refusing to understand is, while you may view this as an interesting “thought exercise,” we have to live this. We have to live with racism, sexism, rape culture, and the like day in and day out. We cannot escape it by simply pretending it doesn’t exist. It is not theoretical or hypothetical for us. It is a hard truth that we cannot escape no matter how hard we try.

For a lot of us, social media is where we go to vent the frustration, anger, and despair that we are forced to bottle up offline. If our posts seem “angry” to you, it’s because we probably are! This is the only semi-safe space that many of us have, and yet it is still constantly invaded by people who want to poke and prod and dissect our lives like it’s some type of science experiment.

They invade our conversations to offer advice that we neither need nor asked for. They take our words and our thoughts, pass them off as their own, and are then treated like they have discovered some new, brilliant thing. They insult us, throw slurs at us, and then demand to be treated with respect. When we finally stand up for ourselves and demand to be treated better than mud stuck to the bottom of their shoes, we are told that we’re being “oversensitive” and the people berating us are treated like victims.

We deal with this day in and day out. I cannot count the numerous amount of times I’ve said this very thing. It is inevitable that we will eventually get angry and frustrated. We are sick and tired of attempting to justify our anger and humanity to you. The simple fact is, we shouldn’t have to. If you refuse to treat us with the smallest amount of respect and recognize that our lives are not your science experiment, tell me, why should we cater to you? Why should we care about your “feelings” if you refuse to respect ours?



I'm a simple single mom living a complicated life.

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