Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever gonna get anywhere in life by just being me. Like, I feel this pressure to change who I am if I want to do something worthwhile with my life. The screwed up thing is, the pressure isn’t coming from an outside source; it’s coming from myself. I don’t consider myself a vain person (I honestly hate myself way too much for that), but I think every bad thing anyone says in the history of ever is about me. Hell, I can’t even be honest with myself and admit this publicly without beating myself up and saying I’m only doing this for attention.
I have to remember to take a step back sometimes and remind myself of all the amazing things I have done. I’ve done so many things that seem small to others, but they’re huge to me. They’re things I never thought I’d ever be able to do. I flew on a plane multiple times (that’s huge for someone afraid of heights), I’ve moved across the country and lived in another state, and I’ve waded in the waters of the Atlantic Ocean. I’ve had multiple opportunities to write for amazing organizations and went back to college on my own terms to get a degree I want.
I’m living life on my own terms now and that’s all I can ask of myself.