I’m still in utter awe that in hours Donald Trump will be the forty-fifth president of the United States of America. Mike Pence, someone who is arguably even more horrible, will be only a heartbeat or impeachment away from the presidency. I still halfway can’t believe it. I don’t want to believe it.
I remember election night, staying up until 4am, furiously hoping that there was some way Hillary could make some type of comeback. I’m not a political strategist and I’ve never claimed to be. I’m just a single mom of two little boys, trying my hardest to make a way in this country. That said, this election hit me so hard. It felt like the exact opposite of the high I felt when Obama was elected.
I also keep jumping between “haven’t things always been awful for people like me” and “oh my god I actually fear for my life”. While things always haven’t been the best for Black TBLG women, things feel like they’re getting worse. Steve King just proposed a fetal heartbeat bill at the federal level. The KKK had a “victory parade” celebrating Trump’s win a scant few miles away from my home. These things scare me.
People have said that now it’s time to get over it and fight, but I feel stuck. Scared and stuck. Maybe the inauguration will be the thing to snap me out of it, maybe not. All I know is that right now, I’m frozen. Frozen with fear, frozen with anxiety, frozen with pure disbelief.