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What I Learned from Being Married

I went through a lot in my last marriage and as a result I learned a lot. Most of all, I learned that marriage is not the end all, be all of relationships. If you treat it that way, once you get married you are (for lack of a better word) fucked. You treated marriage as “The End, Happily Ever After” and now you realize life still goes on. You’ve signed a binding legal contract tying you to this person for the foreseeable future and you don’t know what to do. All the shit y’all dealt with before marriage, you still have to deal with now. Only difference is you can’t simply tell him to pack his shit and leave and be done with him for good.

Now you gotta go through a whole legal process which is different in every state and some have residency requirements and waiting periods. If y’all got any type of property together, joint bank accounts, kids, all that stuff has to be sorted through. So of course you’re gonna need a lawyer and they don’t come cheap. So you’re looking at years of bs and thousands of dollars. It’s either that or stay in a loveless marriage with a man who said he was gonna change but surprise(!), he didn’t.

But it’s cool though! You got your big party with fancy dresses and monogrammed napkins! In the end, that’s all that matters, right?


Here’s the thing, fuck what you heard, marriage is hard. It takes work. Both of y’all gotta be in it to win it or else it ain’t gonna work. You cannot hold up a marriage on your own. That’s true of all relationships. You can’t be in a relationship all by yourself. It ain’t gonna work.

Discussions will happen.

Arguments will happen.

Compromises will be made.

There will be anger, jealousy, maybe even a little resentment.

All of these things happen in marriage. The key is, y’all gotta communicate and work through it together. You gotta trust your partner enough to be able to talk to them freely about how you feel. They have to feel the same way. If y’all don’t have that kind of trust before you get married, it ain’t gonna magically show up after a ring goes on a finger. If you’re in a monogamous relationship and they keep cheating on you, they won’t stop just because y’all signed a piece of paper.

All of the baggage and bs needs to be worked on before y’all even think about marriage. I’m not saying both of y’all gotta be perfect. I’m saying y’all have to be ready, willing, and able to work together through the bs.

Don’t marry someone just because they asked. Don’t ask someone just because people say you should. Marry someone because you love them, trust them, and you’re 100% invested in the relationship and they feel the same way. Also, keep in mind (especially if you’re young) that a lifetime is a long time.

Y’all may be 100% in it when the marriage starts but grow apart in time. That’s okay. Not every relationship or marriage is meant to last. Even good things come to an end sometimes and that’s just fine. It hurts, yes, but it’ll be okay. It’s not the end of the world. Your marriage didn’t “fail”, you are not a failure, things just didn’t work out. Take a deep breath and move on to the next stage of your life.

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Author:

I'm a simple single mom living a complicated life.

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