It’s come to my attention that men (and some women) don’t fully understand the power dynamics at play behind the phrase “men are trash.” That’s rather unfortunate, but not totally surprising. Here is my feeble attempt at educating those who truly don’t understand.
When (wrongly) comparing men saying “women are bitches” to women saying “men are trash”, you must consider the history behind both statements and the power dynamics at play. You simply can’t say “well if a man said that about a woman, y’all would be mad.” That’s simplistic and wrong thinking.
For one, men do it all the time and get little to no push-back 95% of the time. Just because you see someone get lit up on social media, that doesn’t mean the same happens offline. Normally offline (and online if we’re being completely honest), a man will say some form of “women are bitches” and his boys will rally around him. Hell, that’s a phrase you hear in some form or fashion in every other song on the radio. It’s normalized at this point.
Two, we light y’all up for doing it on social media because misogyny is a thing and it kills. How many times in the past couple of years has a woman been maimed or killed for denying or defying a man? Too many to count. You may think it’s just words, but it’s so much more than that. Like I said before, it feeds into a misogynistic society that kills women.
In the initial thread on twitter that started me down this road of thinking, the man in question was complaining that women don’t talk about the “happy wife, happy life” trope because reasons and since we didn’t, it made men feel bad.
Well, guess what? Wanna know who started the whole “happy wife, happy life” thing? It won’t women. Wanna know who spread the rumor that all you gotta do is fuck and feed a man to keep him happy? It won’t women. You wanna know who cultivated the belief that men don’t need a space to be emotionally vulnerable? It. Won’t. Women.
You wanna fix these things? You better grab a group of men and start having some come to Jesus meetings. Y’all messed yourselves up by buying into toxic masculinity. It’s up to y’all to do the heavy lifting to fix it.
I’ve said this before, but toxic masculinity is like one of those weapons in RPGs that deals damage to yourself when you use it but it deals twice as much to others. Men don’t care about the damage dealt to themselves from using it until their health is critically low. Then y’all start yelling at the women y’all have been using it against, asking us why we didn’t warn y’all it was dangerous.
Women have been trying for years to get y’all to see how damaging traditional thoughts on masculinity are to men. I’ve seen the discussions on twitter, on tumblr, even offline. I’m sure people older than me probably saw it on LiveJournal.
We, women, have been having these discussions and have been trying to get you, men, to see how toxic masculinity has y’all messed up. You wanna know why “all men are trash is the wave right now”? We’re fed the fuck up. We’re tired of doing all the work and, at best, seeing no results and at worst getting violent push-back.
So yeah, men are trash and it’s about damn time y’all started collecting yourselves. It’s starting to smell. Sort your own shit out for once. If you need a little help, by all means ask. Just stop asking us to do all the damn work. We tired.