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My Body Is Not A Fetish

So I know I’m kinda beating a dead horse, but I saw that post from the guy who just loves his wife’s “curvy body” and it got me thinking. Specifically, it got me thinking about the types of men who “love” (love is in quotes for a reason) fat women’s bodies. They fall in a few different categories.

The Revolutionary

First up is what I like to call the “Revolutionary”. He’s usually a “feminist” of some sort and he thinks his “love” of a fat woman is, well, revolutionary. He thinks he’s tearing down the patriarchy and societal expectations all on his own by daring to fuck a fat woman. He’s known for saying things like “I love her in spite of her curves/size”. He’s the king of backhanded compliments. The “fat” woman he usually goes for is actually average size for the US woman, but she’s fat in his eyes because she doesn’t have a body like Gisele Bündchen.

The Fetishist

Next up to bat is the fetishist. He loves a fat woman’s body and nothing more. He’s obsessed with her fatness. He’ll wax poetic about her curves, her breasts, her ass, her stretch marks, etc. He happily calls himself a “chubby chaser” because that’s what he does; he chases after chubby/fat women. He’ll spend his time rubbing and kissing on you, and that’ll be wonderful in the beginning. Soon it becomes obvious though that he wants you for his own personal pleasure and little else. If you lose weight, he becomes uninterested (because he loved your body, not you) and he’ll drop you like a bad habit.

The “Selfless” Lover

This one ties into the Revolutionary quite well. He acts like he’s doing you a favor by being with you. He assumes that since you’re fat, you don’t get much attention and you should be grateful for the “love” he bestows upon you. Like the Revolutionary, he “loves” you despite your fatness and feels he should be awarded (usually with sex) for his selfless act. In my opinion, this one is most likely to cheat on you with skinny girls but he’ll keep you around for sex just in case he gets turned down by one of them. If at any time you refuse to return their affections or simply tell him no, he’ll flip on you like a switch and the “fat bitch” insults will rain down upon you.

The Closet Lover

This one “loves” you in secret. In private, you are their world. You’re everything they could ever want and need in a woman. They treat you with kindness and gentleness and, on the surface, seem like the perfect boyfriend. In public, it’s another story. They may act as if they don’t know you in public, and with their boys they actively shit all over fat women. If you confront them about their fatphobia in private, they’ll say they didn’t mean you. They were talking about those other fat women. (Sort of like how men talk about “bitches and hoes” but swear they’re not talking about the women in their lives.) This man will also seemingly hide you from their family and friends. It’s almost as if he’s ashamed to be seen with you.

The “I love you but…”

This man is simple to describe. His “I love you”s always come with a “but” attached.

“I love you, but you’d look even more beautiful if you lost a little weight here.”

“I love you , but you need to think about your health.”

“I love you, but you should work out more.”

Every “I love you” and “I care” comes with some type of caveat that ends in you losing weight. They don’t love you for who you are. They love you for what they believe they can mold you into. You are their pet project and they will change you or die trying.


Navigating the dating scene when you’re a woman is hard. However, when you’re a fat woman, the difficulty spike is pretty big. Thoughts of these types of men are always in the back of your mind, haunting you whenever someone shows interest or you go on a date. In the end, the only thing a dating woman wants is someone who likes/loves her for her. Not for what she can do for them or her body alone.

Fat women are not your personal sex toys. We are not your pet projects or something to be hid away and played with at your convenience. You are not doing us a “favor” by paying attention to or dating us. You “loving” our bodies is not some revolutionary act. Us loving and accepting ourselves the way we are and demanding we be treated with love, respect, and care is. My fat body is not your fetish.

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Author:

I'm a simple single mom living a complicated life.

3 thoughts on “My Body Is Not A Fetish

  1. Oh OHH I know of another type! I’d call this one the Martyr. I’ve seen them a lot, and they tend to be a nasty mutt of the fetishist and the closet lover. Kind of the opposite side of the coin of the Revolutionary. They’ll post about how HARD it is for THEM to love fat women. How THEY are made fun of and teased and how BRAVE they are and how terrible their experiences of being a lover of fat women has been! Oh woe is me! In reality they’re just a pathetic fetishist who doesn’t actually love YOU, just your body and wants sympathy sex for it, you can see by looking at all the fetish art he’ll have saved to his favorites on any given website.

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  2. Yesss!
    I started hanging out with a guy. He’s fit as hell and he checks all the boxes. But i know I’m a fetish. I know that when I’m there it’s for one thing and part of me isn’t complaining but the other part of me is screaming. Because what if it does become something? What if he’s different when I meet the people in his life? Cause he’s running marathons and at the gym every day while I’m sitting here eating my ice cream. He’s the type that I thought would never even look at me. It makes me feel good but now I’m ten times more self conscious. It drives me crazy.
    But this list is so true!!!

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