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Jesus Was A Dick As A Kid

If the Infancy Gospel of Thomas is to believed, Jesus was kind of a dick as a kid. My favorite stories about Jesus are contained within this Gnostic text that was not included in the Bible. It has a lot of interesting stories, but my favorite starts off with Jesus and a few kids playing on a roof.

The building Jesus and his friends were playing on was two stories tall. One kid was messing around and pushed another kid. That child fell off the roof and died. The rest of the kids saw this, got scared, and they ran. Jesus was the last one left on the roof. The parents of the dead kid heard about what happened and ran up to the building. They saw their child dead on the ground and Jesus standing on the roof alone.

They make the assumption that Jesus was the one who threw the kid off the and they were (quite obviously) pissed. Jesus jumped down from the roof of the two-story building and landed by the dead kid’s (Zeno) head.

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Christians Don’t Want Jesus

Last week I decided to re-read the New Testament of the Bible. I had actually been considering this for a while now, but a tweet I saw confirmed my decision. I can’t remember the exact quote, but the general gist of it was that Jesus never fought for social issues. I was taken aback that someone, particularly someone who called themselves Christian, would say something such as that. From what I remembered of the Bible, it was quite clear that Jesus was all about social issues.


That got me thinking about what Jesus really was and was not about. We have a book filled to the brim detailing what Jesus did and did not like. It’s also filled to the brim with his own thoughts and words. You can even get one that has all of Jesus’ words written out in red ink to make it even easier to see. (The man was very loquacious.) Maybe, I thought, I was the one who was remembering things wrong and Jesus wasn’t the man I imagined him to be. With that in mind, I decided to crack open a Bible for the first time in years and take a good look at Jesus’ words and work.

As it stands, I’m pretty early in my readings of the New Testament. As I read though, I’m swiftly coming to the conclusion that Christians don’t really want Jesus.

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The Sheep, the Goats, and the Muslim Ban

I’m always annoyed at the way a good majority of Christians pick and choose what parts of the Bible they want to abide by. This is especially true in the time of Donald Trump’s Muslim ban. He claims it’s not a ban on Muslims, but we all know it is.

Anyway, I’m most annoyed now of how a lot of Conservative Christians are choosing to ignore the parable of The Sheep and the Goats. For those of you who don’t know what that is, you can read it here:

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Day 70: How I Turned Away from Religion

I think on some level I always was, at the very least, agnostic. The moment that led me to really question religion happened when I was 13. I was working at a preschool in the office. It was my first job and I was so proud of myself! One of the people who worked there was a pastor. There was one other girl my age who worked there and we were required to have a “counseling session” with him.

He said a little prayer and then said we could ask him any questions we had. Now, I have always been a science lover and at the time I was studying the Big Bang Theory. I told him that I was having a hard time reconciling the Big Bang with religion. He stopped me before I could even finish the question. He said “That’s stupid! That’s like me saying ‘Bang! This pen exists!’”. I honestly couldn’t believe anyone could say something that ridiculous.

After that, I started researching different religions and delved deeper into science too. I was still going to church mainly because friends and family were pressuring me to go. One day in Sunday School (I was about 18 at this point), we were talking about different religions and how they were wrong. I asked the teacher were people of different religions at least half-way right because they believed there was a god. She said no because their gods didn’t exist. She also said that their gods weren’t real because they had no proof of them. That statement bugged me the whole day. People from other religions could call mine false for the exact same reason and we had just as little concrete proof as they did.

Even though I realized that there was no proof that any god existed, I was still a Christian. All those years of going to church instilled in me a fear of hell that wouldn’t go away easily. I was terrified that if I said I didn’t believe in God, my soul would be damned to hell. That’s a lot to put on a kid.

For the next three years I studied different religions. At different points I considered converting to Judaism and Islam. The more I studied different religions, the more atheism/agnosticism popped up. I would always hear Christians talk about how illogical atheism was. I decided to research it for myself to see what they were talking about. The more I read, the more I agreed with the atheists. I was about 5 months pregnant when I finally came to the conclusion that I was an atheist. Leaving organized religion was probably the best thing I’ve ever done. I do not regret my decision at all.

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Day 5: My Complicated Relationship with Religion/Spirituality

For as long as I can possibly remember, I’ve been in or around some type of church. At one point I even lived next door to a church. While my mother never talked about it that much, religion and spirituality did play a part in both our lives. Every Sunday morning, she would wake me up, get me dressed, and send me next door to Sunday school. The friends I made all lived a few doors down and went to the same church. We would play, sing songs, and learn stories from the Bible.

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Day 4: An Open Letter to Christians

Dear Christians,

I am a lost cause. Please leave me alone. I am tired of hearing you preach to me about how great Jesus is. It’s extremely annoying. Also, when you say you feel sorry for me, it sounds very condescending. For you to think that my life has to be horrible and without purpose because I don’t believe in your god is, quite frankly, insulting.

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